mountainmelody

Alabama is the state with the highest percentage of people calling soft drinks "Coke."

Me: How do you think we can pray for this missionary family?
GA 1: Pray for my scar where my brother scratched me.
Me: Okay, and how do you think we could pray for the missionary family?
GA 1: Guess what! In choir, we tried to hide behind the door so the teacher wouldn't see us!

GA 2: I'm writing a non-fiction book about Venezuela.
Me: Oh, really? Is your book about the stuff we learned in GAs?
GA 2: Yeah.

GA 3: My fairy's name is Sarah.
Me: Yes, I remember...
GA 3: Sarah has brown hair like me. She told me that I'm a princess. And she sprinkles me with fairy dust every night so I can fly.
Me: I see.
GA 3: And this is real world! I'm not making this up!

You know you're getting old when people ask you to write references for them, instead of vice-versa. :)

Within 20 years, the age profile of America will match that of Florida today--about one in five Americans will be older than 65.

stressful things
people
traffic
fashion/appearance
dumb people
being late
grades/rankings
obnoxious people
background noise
not sleeping enough
dressing up
emotional people
driving
shopping
cooking/cleaning/etc
irresponsible people

relaxing things
internet
nature
reading
sleeping
t-shirts, pajama pants, flip flops
traveling
sunshine
not being in charge
watching
email
music
being warm enough
home

Girl: Do you think I'm messy?
Me: It looks like you're being pretty neat right now.
Girl: That's right. Do you think I'm proper?
Me: Oh, absolutely.
Girl: Good!

Same girl: I just fainted!
Me: I'm sorry to hear that.
Girl (5 minutes later): Well, maybe I didn't faint. But I did fall down on the ground!

Same girl: I have a fairy.
Me: Oh, really?
Girl: Her name is Sarah.
Me: Cool.
Girl: If you're good, she makes gold come out of your mouth. But if you're bad, she makes bugs come out of your mouth.

The Wish

Well then; I now do plainly see,
This busy world and I shall ne'er agree;
The very honey of all earthly joy
Does of all meats the soonest cloy;
And they, methinks, deserve my pity
Who for it can endure the stings,
The crowd, and buzz, and murmurings
Of this great hive, the city.

Ah, yet, ere I descend to the grave
May I a small house and large garden have!
And a few friends, and many books, both true,
Both wise and both delightful too!
And since love ne'er will from me flee,
A mistress moderately fair,
And good as guardian angels are,
Only beloved, and loving me!

O fountains, when in you shall I
Myself, eased of unpeaceful thoughts, espy?
O fields! O woods! when, when shall I be made
The happy tenant of your shade?
Here's the spring-head of pleasure's flood,
Here's wealthy Nature's treasury,
Where all the riches lie that she
Has coined and stamped for good.

Pride and ambition here
Only in farfetched metaphors appear;
Here naught but winds can hurtful murmurs scatter,
And naught but Echo flatter.
The gods, when they descend, hither
From heaven did always choose their way;
And therefore we may boldly say
That 'tis the way, too, thither.

How happy here should I
And one dear she live and, embracing, die!
She who is all the world, and can exude
In deserts, solitude.
I should have then this only fear,
Lest men, when they my pleasures see,
Should hither throng to live like me,
And so make a city here.

-Abraham Cowley

In Alabama, only 2.2 percent of the population older than 25 moved here from a different state.

DRAMATIS PERSONAE
Me
Boy, of slightly redneck appearance
Cashier, bespectacled


ACT I
In the checkout line at Winn-Dixie. Boy, of slightly redneck appearance, is attempting to check out.

Cashier: You’ll have to excuse me. I need to get more tape for the register.
Boy: [Looks back, trying to catch my eye.]
Me: [Looks left, right, back, and down, but not forward. Develops a sudden fascination with shoes.]
Boy: [Mutters incomprehensibly; points at celebrity magazine.]
Me: Mm hmm.
Boy: People are going to get tired of seeing them everywhere!
Me: Yeah.

Cashier returns.


ACT II
Boy, having checked out, lingers near the register. I begin checking out.

Cashier: Do you have your Winn-Dixie card?
Me: I don’t think I have it with me.
Cashier: Then can I have your phone number?
Me: [nearly whispering] xxx-xxxx.
Cashier: Thank you.


ACT III
I walk slowly out of the store. Boy accosts me just inside the door, where he apparently has been waiting.

Boy: What’s your name?
Me: Why?
Boy: Um, you just look familiar. Where did you go to high school?
Me: Not around here.
Boy: Oh.
Me: [to self] Dumb boys.

Exeunt.

Love early mornings and arctic weather?

Set you alarm back and wear your coat, hat, gloves, earmuffs, long underwear, and--oh yeah--your Easter dress to the sunrise service on the mountain, tomorrow morning at 6:15.

And I thought I lived in Alabama, not Alberta...

237 references in bibliography
84 references read
18 years of old magazines read
0 words written

29 percent of U.S. households do not have internet access and do not intend to subscribe to an internet service over the next 12 months.

Of those, 44 percent were not interested in anything on the internet.

17 percent said they were not sure how to use the internet.